Losing It

12.30.2003

Calories: 1789
My husband sent me an email mid-day inviting me to come right home so we could watch a movie together. He offered to even pick up sushi for us. It has been ages since I had sushi, and we haven't had a lot of alone time so I choose to go right home instead of to the gym. While my calories weren't terrible for the day, they were over my limit and combined with not working out it puts me into the poor bad group once again.

12.29.03

Calories: 2158
We had left over pumpkin cheesecake that I made for Christmas dinner. I had one last slice to finish it off which put me over my limit. I never made it to the gym although I got closer than I have in a while since I did change into my workout clothes. Maybe today after work?

A New System

To keep track of my progress I have decided to use color coded icons to show my daily progress. Here they area and their definitions:

Calories: 1400-1600
Workout: 30+ Minutes



Calories: 1400-1600
No Workout OR
Calories: <2000
Workout: 30 minutes



Calories: >2000

Half Way Blues

I have been able to loose weight twice before in my recent history. A few years ago I went from somewhere in the 190's down to 158. I was feeling pretty good about myself. It was a very noticeable change. I was working out a lot so I was thin for 158-I could easily fit into a size 10 (quite a change from the size 18 I had rocketed up to). The secret: Eat about 1600 calories a day, workout 4-5 days a week, allow myself one "off" meal a week. But when I hit that mark the joy was shortlived. I realized that I really should loose at least 10 more pounds to bring me down to a healthy level and I just couldn't do it. I worked out more, I tried eating less, I tried eating more. None of it worked.

Before I knew it I was frustrated. Why wouldn't the weight come off? The first 30+ pounds came off so easily-at least a pound a week and so after 6 months it was a tremendous difference.

Then it started. The extra free meals. The extra hours at work keeping me from the gym. A pound here, a pound there. Before I knew it I was back up to about 170. With a wedding on the way, I was frantic to loose the weight again, and quickly. I cut out simple carbs-no white bread, no biscuits, no pasta. Lots of water. I dropped about 13 lbs just before the wedding and was able to fit into my dress (although it was still tighter than when I first tried it on a year prior). The pictures are beautiful.

I hovered in the mid-160's for a while. I had just lost my motivation. I continued to work out a lot. My husband bought me a trail bike and I would go out and ride 20 miles. I loved being out in the air and it was a great workout. But I would reward myself with extra portions of dinner. Or worse. My husband got on this dessert kick. All summer he wanted to have ice cream every night. I frequently opted for my skinny cow ice cream bars, but occasionally I would indulge in his Haagen Daaz with him. Then autumn came and his obsession switched to cookies. Every night he wanted to have fresh baked cookies. Lucky for me he really liked the deluxe Pillsbury pre-made cookie dough. Or maybe not. The ease with which we could bake a few cookies and guzzle down our frosty glass of milk was astonishing.

Then it happened. A new job, the holidays. I haven't been to the gym in so long they actually called to see if everything was okay. What can they do to help? I felt like saying "create more hours in the day". I got busy and didn't get the grocery shopping done so we ended up ordering out most nights. Yesterday I got on the scale for the first time in about three months. I knew it would be bad, but 188 lbs? So much weight, so easily gained.

Today's article in the Skinny Daily Post on the Half-Way There Blues really hit home for me. I can do anything for a while but eventually the feeling sinks in that I need to do this for the rest of my life, and usually that leads to me giving up and going back to my old terrible eating habits. The thought of carefully tracking everything I eat, making time for the gym, drinking mostly water, for the rest of my life is a little overwhelming. And it seems that the fight I have in me looses steam a little earlier each attempt. In my mind I can picture myself racing in a triatalon, ready to prove my fitness level. But I have a hard time making the sacrafices I need to in order to get ther: watch less TV with my husband, cook, cook healthier meals, order low-fat dinner entrees when out, cut down on the alcohol, give up some sleep to get to the gym before work. All of these things I know I SHOULD do but can I do it for the rest of my life? I guess we'll see.

I Want: Tools for Workouts

Heart Rate Monitor (thanks santa)

Under Armour Workout Pants (ordered from Amazon)

Shimano Spinning Shoe (also good for cycling outdoors)

Speed/Distance Monitor (for running and walking on the trail)

Atkins and Human Nature

By now most Americans are familiar with the Dr. Atkins approach to weight loss. The theory is that by limiting your carbohydrate intake your body starts to burn its own fat for energy and boom, you are dropping weight like crazy.

About 6 years ago, when the Atkins approach was on an upswing in popularity, a friend of mine tried it and lost a bunch of weight-around 50 lbs if I remember correctly. I remember watching in awe as he downed an entire package of jimmy dean sausage as his "snack". Rather than making healthy choices that fit into the plan, he took advantage of bacon, eggs, and cheese as three of his four food groups! Yet, he continued to loose weight.

Recently the Atkins plan has had a lot more positive press, and is gaining in popularity. It is becoming, dare I say, mainstream. Here is some evidence to prove it:

• My grocery store now has an entire section called "low carb" stocked full of Atkins approved bars, shakes, and other snacks.
• TGIFridays now has Atkins Approved Menu items.
• Lean Cuisine, Healthy Choice, and Weight Watchers all carry "low carb" frozen entries.
• eDiets now has the option of following the Atkins Meal Plan.
• Russell Stover now has a line of "low carb" candies.

It seems that it is simply human nature to try to beat the system. I remember in the early nineties it was all about low fat. I had a fat gram counter where I turned a dial for every gram of fat I ate and when I got to 20 grams I was done for the day. The problem with this is that I started to discover ways around this system. I ate Snackwell Cookies hand over fist, for example. It turns out that I still had to watch my calorie intake and I was taking in far too many even though I was "following the plan".

I wonder if the same fate will befall the Atkins plan. Will the onslaught of low carb products jack up the calorie intake of the dieters and cause the incredible results to dry up?

New for 2004

The new year is almost upon us and it is now time for me to drop the fantasy that I can eat what I want just because it is the holiday season. Since starting a new job just 10 short weeks ago I have gained 14 lbs! I'm pretty darn close to my highest weight ever. This is not good. So yesterday I headed off to Trader Joes, SuperFresh, and Shoppers to load up on healthy goodies to get my diet back on track. This morning I even got up early enough to put a yummy chicken dish in the slow cooker.

I lost my diet, did you find it?

It has been so long since I posted here...mostly because it has been a while since I really took care of myself. It seems that December has been a flurry of activity and I've barely been able to keep up with Christmas shopping, volunteer work, and my new job and have had no time left for basic tasks like grocery shopping or heading to the gym. But thankfully the holidays are almost over and I'll be back to my old dieting self in no time. In the meantime, HAPPY HOLIDAYS!