I have been able to loose weight twice before in my recent history. A few years ago I went from somewhere in the 190's down to 158. I was feeling pretty good about myself. It was a very noticeable change. I was working out a lot so I was thin for 158-I could easily fit into a size 10 (quite a change from the size 18 I had rocketed up to). The secret: Eat about 1600 calories a day, workout 4-5 days a week, allow myself one "off" meal a week. But when I hit that mark the joy was shortlived. I realized that I really should loose at least 10 more pounds to bring me down to a healthy level and I just couldn't do it. I worked out more, I tried eating less, I tried eating more. None of it worked.
Before I knew it I was frustrated. Why wouldn't the weight come off? The first 30+ pounds came off so easily-at least a pound a week and so after 6 months it was a tremendous difference.
Then it started. The extra free meals. The extra hours at work keeping me from the gym. A pound here, a pound there. Before I knew it I was back up to about 170. With a wedding on the way, I was frantic to loose the weight again, and quickly. I cut out simple carbs-no white bread, no biscuits, no pasta. Lots of water. I dropped about 13 lbs just before the wedding and was able to fit into my dress (although it was still tighter than when I first tried it on a year prior). The pictures are beautiful.
I hovered in the mid-160's for a while. I had just lost my motivation. I continued to work out a lot. My husband bought me a trail bike and I would go out and ride 20 miles. I loved being out in the air and it was a great workout. But I would reward myself with extra portions of dinner. Or worse. My husband got on this dessert kick. All summer he wanted to have ice cream every night. I frequently opted for my skinny cow ice cream bars, but occasionally I would indulge in his Haagen Daaz with him. Then autumn came and his obsession switched to cookies. Every night he wanted to have fresh baked cookies. Lucky for me he really liked the deluxe Pillsbury pre-made cookie dough. Or maybe not. The ease with which we could bake a few cookies and guzzle down our frosty glass of milk was astonishing.
Then it happened. A new job, the holidays. I haven't been to the gym in so long they actually called to see if everything was okay. What can they do to help? I felt like saying "create more hours in the day". I got busy and didn't get the grocery shopping done so we ended up ordering out most nights. Yesterday I got on the scale for the first time in about three months. I knew it would be bad, but 188 lbs? So much weight, so easily gained.
Today's article in the Skinny Daily Post on the Half-Way There Blues really hit home for me. I can do anything for a while but eventually the feeling sinks in that I need to do this for the rest of my life, and usually that leads to me giving up and going back to my old terrible eating habits. The thought of carefully tracking everything I eat, making time for the gym, drinking mostly water, for the rest of my life is a little overwhelming. And it seems that the fight I have in me looses steam a little earlier each attempt. In my mind I can picture myself racing in a triatalon, ready to prove my fitness level. But I have a hard time making the sacrafices I need to in order to get ther: watch less TV with my husband, cook, cook healthier meals, order low-fat dinner entrees when out, cut down on the alcohol, give up some sleep to get to the gym before work. All of these things I know I SHOULD do but can I do it for the rest of my life? I guess we'll see.