Losing It

Gaining Motivation

You hear it all the time: on Dr. Phil, on Oprah, from many others trying to help with this country's weight loss struggle. You have to get to the root of the reason you are sabatoging yourself-your motivation for being over weight.

While reading yesterday's Skinny Daily Post I realized that I am not the only one that feels that maybe, just maybe, there is not a psychological reason I'm overweight. Maybe it is just my lifestyle is conducive to gaining weight, and I'm pretty happy with my lifestyle.

Reading through her column Julie sounds a lot like me. One major difference-she has already lost 100 lbs! I truly cannot imagine the strength and willpower that would take, let alone the lifestyle change. I'm about 20 lbs in and I've got about 30 to go. However, as Julie points out in her article, being in the category of women who need to loose 10-20 lbs is the norm. Sure enough in my office everyone was trying to loose weight (including our male boss). The fridge looked like the lean cuisine freezer case. We had a scale in our ladies room. It was the most common topic of conversation.

Interestingly enough my office was also one of the reasons I feel off the wagon. Frequently the women would say "gosh, you just don't look that heavy", and "you don't need to loose any more weight". My weight is very evenly distrubuted. Even at my current weight I easily fit into most size 12s and occasionally can slide into a 10. A woman I know who weighs 10 lbs less can't fit into a 12 yet. It is a strange thing surely but I let them convince my that a 12 was a place I was happy with. Guess what, wrong! I want to be an 8 again.

So how did I get here? I have traditionally worked in a male dominated industry so lots of pizza was consumed with my boys. I like pizza and frequently eat too much of it because it just taste to darn good. My husband is a fantastic cook and his food is rich and luxurious. Lots of butter, heavy cream, fatty meats. He loves cooking meals that could come right out of a **** restaurant. So do I say "sorry honey, I'm dieting"? No way. Do I say "Hey it would be healthier for us if you found a way to cook lighter foods"? Uh, no. The problem here is that my husband does not want to change and my wanting him too only causes him to get moody and defensive. And the absolute glee on his face when I agree that we can we have Papa John's for dinner instead of the healthy meal I have planned is hard to pass up.

I like to think I can blame my husband for this but I know I cannot. I like him to be happy and he was raised in a family where happiness comes in the form of a good bottle of red wine, a stinky cheese, a lobster bisque. But, I also like to get the occasional taco bell meal when I'm by myself. Or a candy bar for the car. I actually like the taste of these items too! I'll find myself thinking "gosh a candy bar would taste really good right now" and before I know it I'm in the grocery store. Living the hectic life that we do now doesn't help either. I just don't feel like I have time to workout every day, cook a healthy dinner, go to work, do freelance work, visit with friends, and spend quality time with my husband. Something always gives. Frequently it is the gym first. Then the food. Then the freelance work. You see where this is going. I'm blaming anyone but me but I know I CAN do this because I have. I just have a hard time sustaining.

I need to have that conversation with my husband. The one that starts "you and I need to take better care of ourselves and each other so let's start now". The problem is it will put my out of my comfort zone-an area I don't frequently step out into!

Posted by jgrieves at September 21, 2003 10:00 AM